The Deadly Sewage Monster And Other Stories
by jade34567
Summary: What happens when Zoey takes a wrong turn and is trapped in the evil clutches of a psychopath sewage pile? This and many other stories! PM me if you want to add one because I'm really not that creative. :
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Um, just kind of popped into my head, really random…I might stop doing it.. …unless I have five reviews…maybe…I don't know. Anyway, it's basically a random mini episode .

**Disclaimer: Don't own HON, or the plot, or the characters, or the settings, etc. **

**Warning: Because I'm sorta trying to make it more Zoey-like (and Aphrodite-like and Twin-like) there's a lot of language. And major Untamed spoilers!!!!!**

**Right, well, um, here it is!**

Note it's after they run into the sewers, you know.

The Deadly Sewage Monster

I was trying to sleep under the steady drip, drip, drip of some broken pipe under the sewage works of Tulsa. Not exactly my ideal lullaby.

I was mulling over my latest problems- evil witch queen trying to kill me, gorgeous fallen angel trying to kill me, disgusting creepy mutated things trying to kill me, to sum it up. Yeah, my life definitely sucked. (Doesn't it always?)

Well, it'll probably come as a big surprise, but it's really hard to sleep while you're making up a list of who's trying to kill you. Not to mention sneaky side thoughts regarding the House of Night. Everyone there was probably dead, but…

I pushed myself up and wandered through the sewers until I got myself thoroughly lost. When I finally realized that I had taken a wrong turn (or two. Or three. Or four. Or four hundred) and was not going to Stevie Rae's room, like I thought I was, I started calling out, like the idiot I am.

And that's how I awakened The Deadly Sewage Monster.

--

I heard this kind of groaning, so I thought it was the Twins or someone trying to trick me, but I guess when everyone's in life threatening ( or maybe unlife threatening?) danger they don't joke around.

But then again, it's the Twins I'm talking about.

So I followed the sinister evil groaning until I got to total black. Even with my freakishly good night vision, I couldn't see anything. So I kept calling out Stevie Rae's name, though I was pretty sure that she wasn't doing any of this.

That's when I fell into the pit.

Well, hell.

--

It was not actually hell. It was this disgusting drippy place that was exactly like the room I had been lying in a couple of minutes ago. Like, exactly like it. Huh. There was the annoying drip, and then I started to lie down and I was thinking about the people that were trying to kill me. And then I got the urge to stand up and find Stevie Rae or something…

It took about five drops into the pit to realize that something was wrong. Before I could get lost in the drips I thought, what is going on? Something sinister, obviously-I kept following that evil laugh. Not Stevie Rae or any of the other vamps. I don't even think it was Kalona or the Raven Mockers- they didn't like earth, and this was definitely in earth.

Which reminded me…

I prayed to Nyx. _Please help me with this._ I said. _I don't know what's going on, please guide me. _ No amens or fake humbleness like my step-loser and his wife (not "my mom" anymore, I remembered) did when they prayed.

A whish of cool air, the warm flick of fire, a cool washing feeling like an ocean breeze, the solid feel of earth under my feet, and a bubbling in my spirit. Nyx was reminding me to use the affinities she gifted me with.

Well, no time for delay.

I called fire and using it to light up my surroundings. I was in a giant cave, covered in smelly rotting sewage. It was definitely not my room, but the drip-drip kept going, and I kept thinking about Neferet and Kalona and the Raven Mockers, and there was still the tug to go exploring again.

"I call spirit to me," I said, "and ask that it help me to see what is causing this, um, phenomenon." My High-Priestess-y speech was kind of ruined, but the point was simple.

A little glittering trail appeared in my minds' eyes. It led a couple paces behind me, to a dark hollow, where a giant pile of sewage was.

"A giant pile of poopy is making me run around in circles?" I mumbled skeptically.

The giant pile of poopy shifted and groaned. Ah, crap. It mumbled something. It was then that I noticed green colored symbols coming out of its mouth. I stepped away and started to go where I'd gone before. Yellow energy flowed out of me toward the monster.

It was…what? Feeding on my confusion? My disgust? My steps?

A little voice inside of me said, _Life force. _

I didn't get it.

The little voice pushed, _Your affinities._

Now I was _really _confused.

_Your affinities are tied to your life force. _

And…

_So…did you remember to use your affinities and pray to Nyx when you were lost?_

No! What is this, some kind of religious shenanigan?

_The monster drains your life force by making you forget your purpose. Hence the despair, the wandering. You were in its power from the moment you got lost. _

So, like, when I get in the car to go shopping and then I forget my purpose, it's the sewage monster's fault?

The voice chided me. _You know what I mean. _

So what do I do?

My spirit bubbled again. _Why, find yourself. _

Hello. I'm right here.

The voice drifted off. _You know what I mean, u-wet-si a-ge-ya…_

The Cherokee language comforted me. It reminded me of Grandma, and Stevie Rae, and my friends, and Nyx, and everyone who had actually cared for me in my life. The monster howled in rage and exploded, leaving nothing behind. No sewage. Nothing. The sewers were spotlessly clean.

And again, Zoey saves the day by cleaning up the sewers, I thought. I let air push me back up the hole and down the passage to where Stevie Rae and everyone else was waiting. I noticed I went through solid rock to get there. I thought, _what was I doing? _

Probably the evil power of the pile of poopy. Oh well. I have to go in and bear the Twins' friendly taunts for battling a heap or sewage.

Well, hell.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry! Haven't updated in a long time! Which is partly because I am lazy, but still…

**Anyway, it was actually pretty hard to write this because I had to make sure it didn't evolve into anything resembling a plot…so here goes!**

**Disclaimer: Do you really think I would be writing about sewage monsters if I were PC or Kristin?**

**So yeah, I don't own HON or Harry Potter, for that matter.**

_BTW: Zoey has just battled the evil sewage monster and exploded it. _

I met up with Stevie Rae after that totally weird episode. After I explained it, I said, "Well, what do you think? I mean, you're the expert on earth and all…"

Stevie Rae glared at me, but in a playful way. "And you're totally the expert on religion and all."

Fine. Be that way. I mean, every time I think of religion I think of the People of Faith, which is just not a pleasant thing to think about in general. I was glad, for like the zillionth time, that I was away from my house. Though I did miss Grandma….

Oh my god. Goddess. Whatever.

"Stevie Rae, you…you know Kalona?"

She nodded quickly, looking more like a puppy dog than ever.

"You know how he can't stand earth?"

She nodded again.

"Well, what if that was some kind of…piece of Kalona? And, you know, since he hates earth and can't live in it, that's why he's all covered in sewage and all. And…" I said, warming up. "This is where Neferet used to come, too, to keep the red vampyres…but what if it was also to check on Kalona?" I said.

Stevie Rae yawned. "Whatever it is, it's gone now."

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was flying on the back of an owl with a letter in its hand. The owl came to an old, derelict mansion. There was a fire flickering in the uppermost window. The owl flew in. I could see a groveling little man and a high backed chair.

_Someone's in that chair…_ My sixth sense told me.

The person turned around.

It was LORD VOLDEMORT!!!!

Then I woke up and realized it was all a stupid dream.

**One word: REVIEW! **

**Come on, click that button, it's so pretty and tempting….**

**HAHA HP.**

**~~Jade**


End file.
